The rod on my back

I'm writing this on my way to work day three of four and day three of feeling sad about being away from Iris, mainly because I'm winding down the Breast feeding and by the time I finish all my shifts on Monday at 7am Breast feeding will pretty much be over, certainly for nighttime, but maybe in the day also. When I started this journey, I imagined at best I would do it for 3 months, 6 at a push. I never envisaged that I would love it so much and that I would have an incredible bond with my daughter that now I'm sad if it's over it will break. I'm proud of my 13 months of feeding and dread what my pancake boobs will look like, sigh. I think already they look like wrinkly old tea bags and I can't see them ever going back to how they was , to be honest they were never amazing, but if I could have a choice the not amazing boobs would be a better option right now. I will never be in a bikini again, but Breast feeding has probably done me a favour!

The last two days at work have made me reflect on my family and realize I'm very lucky and the love I have for Iris is immeasurable. 

Anyway let's get back to the title of my blog... The rod. This little saying was said to me the other day by a good friend of mine and it made me smile because all the time not knowing how to express what I was feeling she (my friend) got it in a nutshell. 

I'm a little bit annoyed by people's perceptions on Breast feeding,no no no I'm actually astounded by some. Apparently, I have made a rod for my own back by basically Breast feeding my baby on demand and allowing them to be happy in the comfort of their mother. I couldn't care less about any heavy Rods I may be carrying around. Being a mother means sacrifice and love and that's what I am doing. It's only for a very short period of time and I will be never get it back. I care that I don't sleep but I'm not exactly loosing sleep over it am I?! 

I'm going to try and not be a part of mum and dad groups on Facebook anymore because there are some idiots out there and I'm not sure I can keep my mouth shut for long. It's not only mum groups when you get other people raising eye brows at what is happening at home. 

Yes I co sleep with my daughter and have done for about 7 months, yes I still Breast feed her- I KNOW SHE IS NOT HUNGRY!, I do it because it's comforting to her, is that so wrong? 

I am slowing down on the feeding at night now but wanted to air that this is not because I want to, because I have to. I would happily still Breast feed her if I didn't work at night part time. 

There is another rod I've created though, one that is the most controversial issue of the baby world.... Cry it out. No, I have not left my baby to cry it out, I've left her to cry,  of course I have -she drives me nuts! But to cry on her own for hours on end with me popping in and out or not as the case may be, I have not. How I can make a rod for my own back on this one is beyond me. My child cries because she needs me or something so I'm going to go. Again if this rod is getting bigger, weighing me down, effecting my life, I am not bothered. The only thing bothering me right now is people telling me that!